10 Things That The Internet Has Taught Me

The internet loves numbered lists- The internet is full of such countdowns as: 10 Best Movies of All Times or 5 Things Every Parent Should Stop Doing Right Now. I guess listing stuff is a catchy way to get people to click on a site. It works like a charm. I usually just scan the bullet pointed sentences and determine if I want to read more. (Feel free to do the same with this list.)

Most of the lists are just made-up bullshit- (This list included. In my defense, it is more of a "lessons learned" list.) I hate an opinion piece that is stated as a fact. Three of my favorite sitcoms were listed in a "100 All Time Worst TV Sitcoms" according to some YouTube video that I watched once. There was no criteria as to what made a show good or bad, it was just the opinion of the content creator. (If loving Hogan's Heroes is wrong, I don't wanna be right.)

People with curly locks shouldn't dry their hair with a towel.- This little gem I learned from TikTok. A creator on that app imparted the wisdom of not using a towel to dry curly hair, instead use a cotton t-shirt. It causes less poofy-ness. I find it works, I mean there is still some poof, especially living in Florida, there is never zero poof. It just seems to contain it more.

Cats only meow for humans.- I found this fun-fact with about a zillion other pieces of cat trivia. I love cats. I have 4 and am a sucker for any cat-related content. Now that I know a meow is intended for the humans, I don't take any of my kitties' meows lightly. I feel that if they are reaching out to me, I should be a good fur-mom and do my best to understand them. That sentiment is never reciprocated, of course, cuz their cats. (If you want to hear the origin story of how I got 4 cats, check out https://anchor.fm/mary-tischbein/episodes/Running-with-Cats-e1nvk21 It is mainly my friend and I being ridiculous)

The yellow in yellow rice is just turmeric and it's super easy to make- Yellow rice to my Florida-raised kids is what mashed potatoes were to me as a Missouri-raised kid, a delicious and low-cost side dish that makes everything else on the plate taste better. I always buy the little rice packets and follow the directions. One fateful day, I had ran out of rice packets and had no desire to go to the store. I, instead, turned to You-Tube. If you have white rice, turmeric, a few peppers and an onion, you can make an already cost-effective food for even less money.

Bryan Adams song "Summer of 69" wasn't about 1969- Yuk. I expected more out of you, Bryan. I also expected more out of Canada. You are supposed to better than us. If I find out poutine is a euphemism too, I am done with that country.

Siracha is the new ketchup- This isn't so much something that I learned directly from the internet, but rather something that my daughter learned and passed it on to me. (One degree of condiments, if you will.) Siracha has a sassy little kick that is tangier than ketchup, but not as spicy as hot sauce. It's what the kids these days put on their sandwiches and it couldn't be tastier.

Holidays that I never knew existed- In all honesty, I feel like many didn't exist until the invention of social media. There used to be the real holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving. There were even the made-up ones like Valentines Day, Father's/Mother's Day. Today, though, the list is endless, siblings day, son's day, daughter's day, pet's day, etc....I refute it all. It is similar to students who highlight too much in their text book. If you mark the entire page, you may as well have not highlighted any part. Same thing with the holidays...If we make a big to-do every single day, than the big to-do will lose its meaning. Just be nice to all the people on all the days. (Sorry, I had to rant at some point.)

Don't look up medical symptoms, you will scare that shit out of yourself- I have learned this the hard way. I have fully convinced myself of my own demise multiple times. The internet is not my doctor (honestly, it isn't even my friend.) If I feel bad, I will seek professional medical guidance.

There are no lonely Starbucks lovers- I only recently found out I have been singing one of Tay Tay's bops all wrong. Apparently in the The song," Blank Space", the lyric is "Got a long list of ex-lovers." I personally think the Starbucks line still fits and I will continue to sing those lyrics (badly) in my car.